Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
