I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
