Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
