i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
now i know why i became what i already was.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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