All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
