epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
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