my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Randomize
