eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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