your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
soo... how was my night?
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