i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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