I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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