I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
My vagina is very pro this idea
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
