I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
