I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Randomize
