Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Randomize
