I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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