Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
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