I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
