Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
