I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
