My brain says no but my pants say off.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Randomize
