I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
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