1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
i hope you realize when i said "grib" earlier i was referring to the gridded binary, a mathematically concise data format commonly used in meteorology to store historical weather forecast data. also meant in referential conjunction to my probability math class that i am failing at roughly 215pm tomorrow afternoon.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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