Me too!
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
