we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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