honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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