I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Come see our sink grown plant.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
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