I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
