last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize
