So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I can't trust your balls anymore.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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