i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize
