I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
