Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Randomize
