when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
50% drunk capacity currently
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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