I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
