You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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