People in love make me want to vomit
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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