That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
she told me i tasted like america
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
