Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Randomize
