The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
