Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
