Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
