so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
