I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I'm just crazy horny about you
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
