Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I have tasted many bathrooms
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
