Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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