Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
