So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
