do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
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