I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
