my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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