I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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