you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
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