youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
