Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
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