I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
