The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
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