It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
