He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
