some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
