id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Text me some of your sweat
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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