i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize
