The maid of honor just puked.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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