Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
