its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
