'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
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