im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize
