Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Sober January is a disaster.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
