DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
