Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Little spoons don't ask big questions
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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