You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Randomize