capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Randomize
